Journey of an Unfinished Work

John Dietrich model shots

2007-03-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

Redneck Couch Surfing

2006-12-19T09:36:00.000-08:00


Some redneck Alberta boys get bored and decide to have some fun with some old furniture.

Changes

2006-10-19T13:53:00.000-07:00

Today I started something new. I have a schedule. My alarms are set on my phone to follow this schedule for a month. I realized last night that everything is a gift. I've been given choices and not been making good decisions. I've been given gifts and have not been using them. Well... at least not to their full extent. I feel alive today, and I don't want that to stop. I feel lighter than I have in months. Not in physical weight, but in my heart. God gave me Jacob and John because he knew we needed each other. I am going to accept these gifts for what they are. I am not going to pretend they are something they are not. I will not focus on where I want my creativity to take me. Instead I will focus on honing my gift. I will work the soil. I will make it fertile. I will do what is worthy, what is due. I will have faith that he will light my path. I will not put up a flood light, street light, or carry a lantern to explore where he is not leading. I will trust that he knows what he is doing. I will trust that his plan is perfect. I am an unfinished work. The clay can not form itself. The master's hands must be the one to create it's form. Otherwise it is just clay, a useless lump to be trampled.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

2006-06-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

Well, the anger has passed. We talked it over. He apologized and I accepted it. Not everyone is like “him”. I’ve just got to learn this.

Today is get my butt in gear day. I’ve got to get the house rearranged so I will have studio space. I’ve already removed my bed and a dresser. I’m sleeping on a couch now. The sacrifices that must be made in the name of art. *sigh* I’ve gotten 2 frames ready. I just need to start stretching canvas.

Monday and Tuesday of next week I’ll be looking for a part time job. Got to pay the bills somehow. This is going to be hard. I’ve just got to remember. I’ve lived off this much before and even less. Hell, I didn’t have a home for 3 months and I made it. I was never hungry and I always ended up with somewhere to lay my head. I know I can do this. It’s worth it to me.

While I was working for Guy I became increasingly aware of my snobby side crawling out. The money was taking over. I’m not about money I never have been. I didn’t like who I had become. Being materialistic is not something I crave. Simplicity, pure joy, love, and all the other mushy tree hugging hippieisms, those are the things I want. To be close to the earth, to God, and my friends.

In the month that I have been away from that job I have changed much. This time has been amazing. A huge milestone in my life, if you will. I’m uncertain about what awaits me. I’m a little nervous about stepping out, but come what may. I’m ready to take on the challenge. I think I will find that the most challenging thing I will face will be myself.

angry and irrational

2006-05-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

I have been very angry lately. Some people have been dragged into this due to issues I am having with other people. I apologize. It’s sometimes easier to protect a person you love from your anger by bringing in a third party. I did it, I’m sorry. I’m working on forming healthier patterns for dealing with my anger.

Now, being angry with this person I love… that’s an all-together more complicated issue. I feel disrespected. It’s been almost like reliving my rape emotionally. Maybe it’s not that big of a deal, but I have allowed it to enrage me to a point of self-destruction. I have so many issues with trust. I think it may be time for Jacob and I to use the blindfold. I’d really like for someone else I’m less acquainted with to volunteer for it also.

I want to be blind for a day and have to trust someone completely to help me get through my daily activities. I just think it may help me see something I’ve been missing for a while. I guess I’ll do it with Jacob first there’s no one in the world I trust more right now. If I feel I still need a little more I’d like to find someone else who would be willing to do this with me. Even if I don’t really know you. Do you need to feel like you can be trusted?

2hrs later:

I am angry with him for crossing a boundary he knew was there… or is it that I am angry with myself for allowing him to cross it? I trusted that he would respect my position. Am I blaming him for my failure to uphold my own position? Am I angry because he did not support me?

I will have to learn that all problems cannot be fixed right now. The world is not on demand for Ruby 24/7. I am so demanding. I must always have someone to talk to, someone to hang out with, something to do, or I feel as though I’m crawling out of my skin. I feel like I am unloved and uncared for. I know these things are not true. This is something I must resolve within myself. Why am I so unhappy with me? Why do I feel I must derive my happiness from others? Is it possible that I just can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done? Could it be that I do not trust because I feel I am not trustworthy? Maybe I need for someone to trust me fully. I need to trust myself enough to take care of someone else for a day.

I can’t play out my insecurities in my friend’s lives. I can’t psychoanalyze everyone else for the faults I see in myself.

2006-03-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

the evil twin

Johari window

2006-02-15T05:23:00.000-08:00

click here

RSVP for party

2006-02-06T05:36:00.000-08:00

Did you get this invitation? Then you are at the right place. Let us know if you plan to join us and how early you are going to show up. Leave any questions here and we will answer them... if we can.

The little black tripod has nothing to do with the party... or does it? hmmmm....
I just thought everyone should see it cuz it's cute.

a warm sunny day in january

2006-01-29T15:07:00.000-08:00

2006-01-11T12:17:00.000-08:00

party at my house saturday night. bring your own beer, ect... nothing is planned except for drinking and socializing... which usually means a crazy good time will be had by any that attend. there is no invitation. if you hear of it and desire to come. come. those causing drama i have no need for will be escorted off by the local richland police. no drugs. festivities begin whenever i decide to start drinking and will end whenever i've had entirely too much and pass out. think wee hours of the morning. no smoking in my house. you are welcome to freeze on the front porch to do so. i might even make a fire in the grill if you ask nicely.

long time since i've posted!

2006-01-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted here in a while. I thought you'd all like to see my mom! She's so beautiful. Look at this woman. There's no way she turned 50 this year!!!

YIPEEEEEEEEEE

2005-11-22T18:54:00.000-08:00

i get to see all of my family tomarrow. I get to see Tony for the first time since... Christmas. I am so excited. I just hope we don't end up getting into it and me spend half of the time he's home pissed off at him like i did last time.

i watched benny & june today. it's been like 10 years since i've seen that movie.
Lisa is freaking out over nothing.

My bed is calling me right now. It's slightly chilly in my house right now, but the heating blanket is on. My bed is getting all nice and toasty as we speak. It was very possesive this morning. It wouldn't let me get up. It kept saying " You are mine. They can't have you at work. Sleep some more. That's right, snuggle up in my warm soft blankets, and oh.. here's another pillow." That's one manipulative bed. I think I'm gonna make sure it's ok in there.. all alone.. by itself. It needs a friend to snuggle with.

2005-11-20T10:40:00.000-08:00

so far so good this weekend.

spent a little too much $.

celebrated my daddy's 50th birthday.

a very delicate balance right now. i can't quite decide if i'm ok or it i'm flat out losing my mind. it's been a while since i'm been this messed up. i'm talking year plus.

it's the holidays. damn them.

i should probably drink a little less. that might help things. i didn't drink last night. :D

i went home and went to bed like a good little girl.

we are going to see the newest harry potter movie today @ 4pm @ tinseltown in pearl.

hungry. need food.

need to get back to work.

depression set in deep

2005-11-17T11:26:00.000-08:00

the will to live exists, but not much else.
confused more than ever.
facing choices i'm not capable of making at this point.

shutting down for a while

2005-11-14T15:58:00.000-08:00

sick of all the pointless lies

tired of trying to act like i care

broken hearted and confused

seeking the truth no matter how disappointing it may be

tearing down the veils

seeing the ugly truth

shutting down to sort it out

random girly blubbering

2005-11-13T21:44:00.000-08:00

i really miss him. i wonder how it is that we ever came together? what was it in me that drove him away? I think that maybe i just wasn't good enough for him. I know he deserves someone so much better than me. what do i have to offer him after all? I'm tired and jaded. Tarnished. so far from anything that even conveys innocence or even decency. My brain is so scrambled and fried. any "talent" i may have had in the past... yeah. let's forget about that. i never had any talent. not compared to him anyway.

ready for an excellent laugh?

2005-11-11T08:09:00.000-08:00

go here and scroll to the bottom on the page.

click on the video for james riverdance. OMG!!!!!!

it's freak'n hilarious!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

Today was a rather eventful day. I won't be hanging out over at Leigh Anne's for a while. I think it's definitely the best answer. I’m hoping it will give time for everyone to think and forget. It sucks that it’s come to that, but choices good and bad have outcomes that we don’t necessarily like in the end. That’s life. Choices like not telling someone the truth because you are scared it will hurt him or her too much. I have always said that I would rather be told than lied to and the only exception would be if I were too unstable to handle it. Three years or more ago the truth would not have been something I could have handled. I felt that was the case here, but my judgment was wrong.

Anyone need some extra cash? Think you can baby-sit on Thursday and Friday of this week during the daytime? Please let me know ASAP.

Now, the reasons for my depression as of late… that is other than what I have mentioned in the previous entry. I found out someone very dear to me has kind of gone off the deep end. This person has gotten into drugs and sex. I know you’re all thinking. GASP… wait… this is Ruby that’s typing right now… right? Well this person I’ve considering to be very pure and innocent for a long time. I respected them for their choices. It’s not that I don’t respect them anymore. It’s just sad to see them fall and not really even fall, but dive in head first to something I had warned them about. All these choices lately, man. I just hope they come out of it at some point. I guess they need a couple years of “living” and having the world kick their ass. Maturity of that type is generally something you have to gain from your mistakes I guess. I’ve made more than my fair share!!

blog blarg

2005-11-06T20:03:00.000-08:00

ok, i worked saturday. we got a lot accomplished. this is very good. I'm supposed to be meeting this family today. I'm considering taking on this part time nanny type position. i've lost thier address tho, so i guess i'm just going to head over there and hope i find this place. could prove to be very frustrating.

I found the street. I did not find the house.

I'm going to take this as a sign that I'm over loaded already and don't need to take on a second job.
I started thinking about it when I got back home. I've just been really stressed out lately. My skin is a wreck. My nerves are shot. I don't know how I thought I could do this. My sanity is at risk as it is now.

Over all I'd had to say I'm a mess. I can't seem to find a balance in anything. I feel tired and lazy one minute and the next I'm stretched thin and stressed out to the max.

No offense to all of you out there, but I just feel alone. Everyone has so many walls up these days. Me included. I just feel fake. I feel like everyone is always hiding something. Why are we this way? I'm so gaurded because I'm retarded and I don't want to be hurt anymore. I'm sick of being alone. I'm fed up with all of this fake intimacy, but it's all that I bring to the table. What can I expect?

art mix and fenians

2005-11-03T21:27:00.000-08:00

lisa and I went to artmix tonight. Neither of us were feeling it tonight. we only hung around for about an hour. We decided the best thing to do was go to Fenians, eat, drink, and be merry. Well Fenians was fine at first. Kathy came up promptly and handed us menus and we started with water. Before she could come back with the water (which wasn't very long ) we realized it was too stink'n hot to be inside, so we took our water from kathy and migrated to the front balcony. where we sat for a good 10 minutes before a waitress came out. When she did she talked to the table in front of us and completely ignored us. she came out again about 5 minutes later and I had to whistle at her to get her to look over at us. She rather rudely asked if we wanted anything and we said yes so she huffed and climbed over to wait on us. We ordered food and she took our menus. 2o minutes later she emerges to ask us if we want more water and that our food will be out shortly. Over the course of the next 30 minutes she came to the door and glanced at us twice but didn't bother to actually make any type of contact with us. After Lisa finished her second cigarrette we gathered our purses and left. I was way pissed off. Not until we had already made it down the stair case onto the street did she emerge from the door to ask us if we were leaving. I told her yes, thank you. She went on a minor yelling hissy fit yelling down onto the street. "Thanks a lot ladies. Have a good night." I might mention that at this time she still did not have our food in hand. I don't know that I've ever walked out of a restaurant after I've ordered. If I have it's been very very few times. Maybe only once in my life. She was rude from the time we sat in her section and was nothing but a crappy waitress the entire time. I feel no remorse for walking out. I am very angry that this inconsiderate waitress ruined my night. Further more I'm sad that my long patronage at Fenians has been tainted by this one girl.

2005-11-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

Well I have recovered from my weekend of debauchery.

Much to Nizza's relief I have been cleaning up the house.

I've rearranged my room. The fabric is not for the most part out of the tubbies and neatly folded and stacked on my chrome units. It's pretty sickening to realize how much fabric I have. It is at least 3/4 of my possessions. Fabric. Just plain old uncut fabric by the yard.

well, I'm gonna go put my new sticker on my tag so I don't get a ticket.
Ok, that's done. I need to get my turn signal fixed so I can get an inspection sticker now.

I'm depressed. Reasons I can't understand. How I've gotten to this place, I'm not sure. The journey was slow, but I guess that's how it exists. Slowly edging it's way back into my life. Sneeking like a thief. Stealing away my heart while I wasn't looking. I've been so gaurded. I can't deny I've been touched.
Damn you emotions.
Damn you love.

over partied halloween

2005-10-30T15:21:00.000-08:00

There is plenty of apple pie left. It is now residing in Lisa's deep freezer until it's time for another party. The salsa was better the next day, but still could use some peppers. I'm prob going to go ahead and freeze that too. went to headliners last night. trashed doesn't describe it. I've lost my cookies about 4 times this morning. I feel like I've been hit by a train. No alcohol for at least 2 weeks. I've got to run to leigh annes and give her the sewing machine back. I need to make sure mine gets repaired this week.

no adult punch

2005-10-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

the adult punch has turned into Apple pie. it's not a dessert. it's a drink. it's SOOOOOOOOOOoo freak'n good. I'm very proud of my first batch. I've had some versions of it at events. Some have been really good, others have been pretty crappy. I must say mine turned out really good. Tim and Lisa begged me to not make it too alchololic, so I will be adding shots of southern comfort into mine all night. gotta make everyone happy. I made about a gallon of my famous salasa. I included all ingredients this time since the ones I usually leave certain things out for will not be attending this party. I'm thinking about adding chipotle peppers to it the next batch. We were unable to get Lisa's hair done due to the MASS amount of other stuff we had to do. Like CLEAN THE HOUSE. I ended up bying one of those water cooler igloo things for the apple pie. I've been needing to own one of those for a while. I am a scadian after all. Did get a chance to do any embellishments on my costume, but it will be just fine. I promise I will live. The costume will look ok without them, but it would have looked awesome with them. well it's 7:55 so i'm gonna wrap up this post and go clock in.

See you guys tonight!!

Adventures in Halloween Party Planning.

2005-10-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

This should have been posted yesterday: i am seriously pissed off. monday night i made a curtain. last night i started on my halloween costume. the bobbin ran out. it was about bed time. i thought to myself, just finish this half of the costume and then go to bed. my f'n sewing machine is broken. it looks like someone dropped it and smashed in the part that you reload the bobbin on and now it doesn't work. I am LIVID. i couldn't get top sleep until about midnight because of it. I woke up every couple hours and couldn't go back to sleep because i was so pissed off. I JUST go that machine for christmas last year. I'm broke as shit and i don't have the cash to go fix it right now. I don't need this. Plus I NEED this machine to work right now. I've got to finish making curtains for my house because it's getting cold. You have to live in my house to understand. it's old and uninsilated. It has tons of windows. so if it's 40 outside it's 30 in my house... and that's WITH the heaters on. I had great plans to have the house winter fortified this year. This kind of puts a kink in my plans. I should really calm down. I have another machine that i think i can wind the bobbin up on and use my good machine to sew with, but it's the princple of the matter. i'm just really irratated. Someone dropped it and didn't bother to tell me. GRRRRR.
Today's Post:
Leigh Anne let me use her machine yesterday so I actually was able to almost finish my costume. Tonight I'll have to do some minor adornments by hand while we're waiting on Lisa's hair and I'll be finished. :D a very happy roo. I will make sure I put up pictures of the party. I have to make it to Sam's Club at some point today so I can get ingredients for the party. I need to go ahead and mix up my "adult punch" I still haven't picked out what I'm going to make, I'll check out some stuff online this morning. I also need to go ahead and mix up my famous salsa. The cilantro and lime need a little time to get together so that it has the perfect punch. Anyone love us enough to come over to Lisa's tonight and help us get ready? We've got a TON to do.

party alterations

2005-10-25T20:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, this impromptu Halloween party has grown to immense proportions. My tiny abode can no longer hold the large gathering. My house is very upset, but alas there will be more parties later. The new destination will be Tim and Lisa's house in Pearl.

This will be a kid friendly party.

Costumes are encouraged, but not required... even though they should be!! Joy and Jesse came over tonight and picked out costumes from my house. I have no idea what I’m going to wear. Now that co-workers are coming and there will be more kids attending I'm going to have to tone down my costume slightly.

Bring meat to put on the grill. We will be providing sides and sodas. If there is any alcohol you wish to drink bring your own. I will probably fix up some crazy "adult punch" but that has yet to be decided either.

Any suggestions for kiddie activities or fun party games for us big kids will be greatly appreciated. Cheesy Halloween movies will be running all night. Any favorites you have at home please bring them.

If you need directions let me know.

i'm think'n it's high time for a party!

2005-10-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the last time we had a party at our house! We usually do Halloween things @ Preston and Erin's, but they are going to be in Memphis with most of that crew... so I was thinking... Isn't this the best oportunity to have a Halloween party at the house? Heck yeah it is :D I don't know who'd actually come to it seeing how no one will be here... Let me see
Lisa
Tim
Catlin
Stacey
Joy
Jesse
Sissy
Billy Joe
Dillion
Kelly

Yep, Im searching..
So.. if you have not made Halloween Party plans and you aren't on my list please let me know and I will make sure we have drinks and food for you. Please come play with us. We can eat way too much candy and dress funny. Maybe even roll some houses. I wonder what Jack and that crew are doing... maybe I should investigate.

yes.. yes..

for your giggling pleasure...

2005-10-21T12:12:00.000-07:00

the roo with straight black hair.

2005-10-18T14:44:00.000-07:00

it has been an extremely busy and strange week. Thursday night i went to see Seether. I got to meet Shaun Morgan. He gave me a big hug. Super awesome guy. Very nice. Not to mention HOT. How it happend was pretty cool. I have the weirdest streaks of good luck some times. I'll have to blog about it later. I met jason's new co-driver that night too. His name is Richard. I need to steal the digital cam from Melissa so i can get a picture of him to put up. Friday night party at Leigh Anne and Jasons. Roch, Joy, Logan, Mera, and our beloved Gary came up this weekend for all the festivities. It was very nice to see them all again. Wish they all live down here with us. Saturday there was shopping and more party at Erin and Prestons. Saturday morning fighter practice ( yes Richard did try). Sunday Richard and I went to the fair with Joy, Derrick, Sissy, Billy Joe, Jesse, and Dillion. Rode lots of stuff, got super wet and came home. Last night I ended up staying at Leigh Anne's yet again and stayed up too late while the guys hung out around the fire. We bleached streaks in blakes hair and I trimmed his hair too. OOH and I bleached Richards mohawk. Leigh Anne is supposed to put a double dose on it today. We want it to be white. So.. I think that just about covers it. I'm sure I'll go into more detail later, but that's about it for now.

2005-10-13T08:16:00.000-07:00

Here is the end of the rainbow. If you look very close you will see it in front of the trees. We saw where it met the earth and then as soon as we spoke it the rainbow began to disappear. Isn't that like life?

On a much brighter note...I am feeling much better. Drugs are good. This weekend is the Diamond Wars Pity Party. Looking forward to it. Are we supposed to wear garb? Gary is supposed to be coming down for a visit. Unsure at this point if Jon is coming with him or not. I went to small group last night with Lisa. I'm not sure if I'll go back again or not. I felt pretty out of place. I just don't know. I think I've been running around so much, being so busy that I've become apathetic concerning some very important things. I want to have a social life, but there are so many other things that I need to do. Things that are for me, like sewing, drawing, painting, writing, and photography. I feel like I have to choose between time with my friends and my hobbies. Anyway I think it's safe to say that I'm depressed. I've just been so busy for so long it hasn't been as evident as it has in the past.

` "...I'm Depressed."

Wish of the Day

2005-10-12T14:14:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a camera. I will not be too picky about the type digital or 35mm.. tho digital would be most excellent for adding random crap to my posts. Things as boring as what I had for lunch or super exciting like... watching paint dry.. or something of that nature. I think everyone needs to see my messy work space. Anyway. I'm babbling. I'll stop now and go look on ebay for a camera.

diagnosis

2005-10-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

I went to the Dr. He said I have sinus infection. *wipes brow* I'm just glad I don't have something that's contaigous. Anyway. Back to resting. I'm gonna need it for work tmrw.

being sick sucks

2005-10-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

this morning i felt not so great. my condition worsened over the course of the day. now i'm full blown sick.
i feel way worse than crap and my mother has convinced me to go to the dr tmrw. so, i will. i will also get my flat tire patched.

2005-10-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

Good Morning! I feel like crap. I have a sinus infection. Still got to keep going :( so much going on lately. I'm going to attempt to stay at home most of this week.

I feel very indecisive this morning. I’ve got jeans on, makeup, the whole works, but I can't decide on a top to save my life. So, currently I am topless. I thought looking at the weather might make my choice easier, but it doesn't. Okay, I've settled on a long sleeve t-shirt of which I’m sure I'll regret later on in the day.

OMG, I totally forgot to tell you guys! I decided to dye my hair back to a color closer to my natural color. I found a lovely dark brown. Well, When I got done my hair was not dark brown. It was in fact black. A little shocking going from blonde to black. I'm okay with this color. It's just been a LONG time since my hair has been black. Try about 10 years; I'm pretty sure I was 15 the last time. Mandi and Leigh Anne straightened my hair out the other night too. Dang it. Joy never saw it!! Oh well. Let's just say I like it better curly, but I will not be opposed to having it straightened on occasion.

I made a pot of spaghetti last night. It’s gone now. Leigh Anne, the boys, and Erin came over and we watched Bruce Almighty. That’s the first time I’ve seen that whole movie. It’s pretty cute.

Melissa will be proud of me I washed all the dishes.

japanese links

2005-10-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

japanese costume history

kimono patterns

history of kimono

history of japanese clothing

the kimono page

country study of japan

japanese art history by period

art mix

2005-10-07T06:02:00.000-07:00

After much procrastinating I finally went to an art mix. Lisa and I went after work last night. It was wonderful. I must admit that it only became wonderful after my first glass of wine. Hopefully this had more to do with that fact that it coincided with the first gallery than the fact that i had a buzz. I got to see all the cute places in Fondren that I've been wanting to stop at when I'm driving through but never do.

I saw Ginger Williams and bought some buttons from her. It's so good to see her bloom as an artist. She has so much talent.

We stopped by the journey house and watched the guys jam. Great stuff.

OMG! I found a salon. Melissa you better be paying attention. We have to go get our hair done there. I talked to the stylist(I can't remember his name since he didn't have a card and I'd had a little alcohol) about what the heck I can do with my hair. His first recommendation was to keep it long. I told him I've had it long for so long that I'd really like to go short for a while. He's thinking a bob... kind of like how Lisa's hair is now. The colorist, Leo (he had no cards, but gave me his numbers), decided that the blonde washed me out too much. So we're probably about to go dark again. Very charming little place. I will be going back.

We ended up going to Fenians after art mix. Bounds Street was playing. Yummy food and beer. So, I ended up going to bed way past my bedtime and now it's 5:15am and I'm awake. Not looking forward to what tomarrow has in store, so I'm going to attemp to get another hour of sleep.

2005-10-06T04:52:00.000-07:00

This is kinda how i feel right now. You interpret that as you wish and leave me comments as to what that means? So... how or what am i feeling?

google.com

2005-10-05T13:39:00.000-07:00

more pics from dallas

2005-09-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

last night turned out to be pretty crazy. i was just about to go to bed and lisa knocked on my door. Stacy lynn was sick and she was having to take her to the emergency room. i just hope they got to see her at a decent hour. lisa said she'd be at work by 9 at the latest. i'm going to wait around here until 7:30 in the hopes that she'll show up and we can carpool to work this morning. melissa just walked in and told me that she had looked for stacy's name all night in the computers (she works at UMC) and she never saw it come up. she quit looking around 3 am. which probably really sucks for lisa cuz that means they didn't see stacy until after that or it's even possible that they haven't seen her at all yet. Poor babies!!!!!!!

the new pics this morning: the cause of the sugar coma on the trip home. melissa in some wierd jack looking sculpture that was downtown. proof that it was beautiful and sunny the whole time we were in dallas, and last but not least one of the infamous camera out of the car window shots from saturday night.

2005-09-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

lisa is now working with me. this makes me very happy :D being home is good. i just need to get motivated and stay motivated this time to work on my artwork. procrastination is the worst.

back from dallas

2005-09-25T16:10:00.000-07:00

Melissa and I just got back from Dallas. Everyone was freaking out about us going when we headed out because of hurricane Rita. The only rain we saw was when we got into Mississippi on the way home!!!! The weather was beautiful but hot a scorching 104 yesterday. We did so much. It felt like we were there a week, but it felt good. I want to move there. We went to the art museum. It was a very validating experience for me. I’m going to look into the art institute of Dallas when I get ready to go back to school.
Coldplay was AMAZING!!
I got Melissa to eat Ethiopian food! She liked it, but I think it was a little too hot in spice for her.
All in all the trip was fantastic and I can’t wait to go back again!!!!!

Here are some pictures from out escapades.

check this out!

2005-09-19T02:36:00.000-07:00

arriving in 2007

ok, i'm not dead guys, but i'm really busy. i'm leaving this thursday w/ melissa for the coldplay concert!! i'm starting to get really excited.

yes, an update

2005-09-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

i've gotten really bad about not posting lately. yesterday melissa, lisa, and i met my family at dogwood. all us girls got pedicures. we ate at up the creek. i wanted to keep my family a little longer, but dad was feeling under the weather so i let them go home. melissa has been on a shopping spree lately. the house is slowly starting to look like a house again. we will have to have a party soon. two weeks from now is the coldplay concert. i'm starting to get really excited. i made reservations at the hampton last night when i talked to kelly. i need to get directions to the trailor so i can go see him. jackson is unusally full. lots of refuges from katrina have made this their temporary home. i can't imagine what it's like in houston. the gas lines don't exist anymore. thank god. the small mom gas stations are still without gas. only the large ones get it, but at least you can find it now!! The stress at work is slowly subsiding. i still feel overwhelmed as a whole.
i need a bed. just a whole new everything would be nice, a nice big bed and a new matress :D oh how lovely. anyway. i'm going to stop day dreaming.

aftermath

2005-09-05T01:34:00.000-07:00

ok, so katrina came and it sucked really bad. i have gas in my car for the first time since.. damn i can't remember. i think the last time i filled up at the pump was the sunday or monday after i got back from boonville. my parents got gas in some tiny town between yazoo and greenville and filled up all of their gas cans. that's the only reason i have gas now. i love my parents.
i'm such a girl. on the way back to jackson from yazoo i kept seeing emergency relief vehicles. some where from indiana. i just got all teary eyed. all i could think was thank you. i feel so helpless to do anything. it's really depressing. i'm having a hard enough time trying to keep gas in my car to go to work, but i just want to be there helping.

my birthday didn't go as planned, but it was ok. we are going to celebrate later. i think dad felt really guilty for some reason since i didn't get the big party i know that wanted to throw for me. i'm so spoiled rotten.

gulfwars site

body modification

2005-08-27T23:22:00.000-07:00

All of you that know me should know how I feel about body modification. I so far have only had a handful of things done including multiple piercings, which I have had to abandon for various reasons and a tattoo. Most of you have heard me talk about scarification and etching and some of you have been present when I have inquired of various artists about their knowledge of such procedures.

I have had it in my head since about 2000 that I wanted an etching. I have changed… a LOT in the past five years. I still want an etching. I still feel the same way about body mod as I always have. It is not some “fad that I’m going to grow out of” like my parents have always hoped.

My etching has not told me what it is going to be just yet, but is letting me know that it will not be denied existence. It will be something deeply personal and significant. I keep seeing writing but I am not sure what it says. I know where I’m going to go. The only place to go, Rings of Desire.

I’ll keep you all updated. It will happen eventually and there are three people I require to be there when it is done. Others will be welcomed, but I won’t do it unless those three are there.

2005-08-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

I feel so unmotivated and antsy at the same time. I don't want to work on things around here, but I'm just about to crawl out of my skin with the need to go do something. I think I just want to be around people. I should just throw stuff away, but I can't bring myself to do it. The very thought of tossing my precious fabric is nauseating. I guess I’m just feeling a bit uninspired. No inspiration to sew, paint, draw, clean.. nothing. I just want to be online and sleep. Maybe this is some mild depression. At least it’s not like it used to be. That’s something to look up to. 7:30pm

*update 8:15 pm

Ok, since I posted this earlier I have shuffled some stuff around in my room, but no real progress. I have washed two loads of clothes. Which means I will have something to wear tomorrow! That will probably be the extent of my motivation tonight.

8:32pm
ok, so I’m more inspired than I thought. You know I told someone today "life is a journey and not a destination". She was upset and it seemed like a good way to make her calm down and think a little. I’ve been thinking about what I said. It’s not wrong to have goals, but is I’m honest with myself I find that I keep thinking things like…I’m working towards this and this will make me happy. It won't make me happy though. Only I can make myself happy. Happy is a choice. I’ve been choosing to be miserable and lonely a lot lately. I do think I need some real companionship. I work too much to have time for that. Joy and I are getting closer. Gary and I have had some bonding time lately. There are those I have withdrawn from for what I believe are good reasons. I guess I just miss them.

this is for my profile pic

2005-08-24T18:23:00.000-07:00

my weekend with:

2005-08-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

The Brothers Ivy TM

I had a great weekend in Booneville, MS. The drive up on the trace was therapeutic. I got some sunshine at Bay Springs Beach (at least I think that’s what it was called.) We had intentions of going to the party for Mason at Tony and Keri’s, but we had a blow out just past New Albany. We tried the tire center at the Wal-Mart there, but it was closed so we headed back towards Tupelo. Of course everything was closed there so we just went back to the apartment. Wouldn’t you know it; I had all this alcohol for the party. There was nothing left to do but drink it. Jon’s got to learn that tequila is not a good thing. It’s death in a bottle. He was mixing that stuff with Dr. Pepper and cherry lime-aid from Sonic. EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! Booneville is an interesting place. I will visit again. Well I have to get to work now.

Gary and Jon: Don't kill me because of the picture. I had to!!!

resolve?

2005-08-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

ok, so yesterday didn't go quite as planned. i didn't get off work until 6:15!! Sams didn't have the same unit. THEY HAD A BETTER ONE!! For the same price even. only problem is that darn thing weighs 100 lbs or something. I barely got it into my car. Lisa had to help me get it into the house and that was a struggle. It is a huge chrome rack tho. This thing has 12 shelves and 4 hanging rods. Yes 4!!! it's expandable from 6 ft to 12ft. I HAVE CLOSET SPACE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy..... but now back to our regularly scheduled program. ok, you know me. i didn't get home w/ this thing until 7:15. Lisa got held up at church until 8:15ish, so i didn't get the unit into my house until then. Of course Lisa and I had a lot to catch up on so... well... no I didn't even take the thing out of the box. Come on people.... YOU KNOW ME!! So my room still looks like it did the day before. I do have intentions of working on it tonight though. Melissa will murder me if I don't. Well. i need to get my buns to work.

in over my head

2005-08-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

As usual, I have started a huge project and it has proven to be way more than I can handle. Sunday evening I got sick of staring at the piles and tubbies of fabric and decided I was going to take action. I didn't plan very well. Monday when I got off work I looked all over town for anything that would help me in my quest to hang up all my fabric. I need more hanging closet space. My journey ended at the Wal-Mart in pearl... or so I thought. I went home and put together this "instant storage" closet kit that had "8 feet of hanging space" woot!! Right?? WRONG. It looked a little flimsy, but I gave it a try and load stuff onto it. I slept peacefully thinking... ah... half the problem solved. I know what you're all thinking. She woke up and the rack had caved in. actually, it did hold up, but touching it was little scary. I thought about it all day at work. I came home took it apart and put it back in the box. Return is inevitable. Back to Wal-Mart you go flimsy hanging rack. So now all the bits of my room and displayed not only my floor, but in the dinning room also. It makes me miserable and Melissa is going to kill me soon. So, a new plan has been hatched. As soon as I get off work today I’m heading to Sams club. Hopefully they will still have the chrome unit I got most recently. I’m just going to cough it up and get a duplicate unit. At least maybe.. finally I can sleep in peace without feeling like the fabric is going to revolt and smother me in the middle of the night.
See above pictures courtesy of Melissa. More are available upon request.
The goal is to have my room in order before I leave for Gary's on Friday.
We shall see if that proves to be unrealistic also!

i'm better now

2005-08-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

much better now, stress at work, but it's all worth it. and... my hair is red again thanks to leigh anne and erin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

angry

2005-08-11T03:56:00.000-07:00

i want to scream and i do. i am so irritated and frustrated and tired.

2005-08-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

lisa and i had fun on her birthday. we went to see micheal and tony. i will be going over there more often... of course i say that everytime i go visit. good conversation is usually had when i can tear micheal away from the tv. tv is evil. evil i tell you. it rots your brain... almost like the internet.. but yes.. it's all evil. i'm going to get erin and leighanne to dye my hair after work today. i'm putting copper, red, and black in it. the goal is to dye my hair and hopefully be home by 9ish so i can wash some clothes and clean up the house some. i've been pretty lazy about the house lately. i know melissa prob wants to kill me.

TIFF is going to be here tmrw!!!!!!!!!!!yippeee!!!!!!!!! a weekend w/ the tiff. And Spudd is supposed to be home too!!!!!! leigh anne and erin have been cleaning her house so spudd will have something impressive to come home to. (as if leigh anne isn't enough!!) anyway.

I think the plan is that next weekend i'm going to stay w/ gary. anyone have objections? if i'm not mistaken next weekend is another sablehand thing in the memphis area anyway.

i've got to find a spa for my little birthday thing. we're planning on doing it september the 3rd ( the saturday after my birthday.) we're also supposed to have a party@ erin's for our collective birthday that weekend.

warning: overspending alert

2005-08-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

ok, as most of you know i love to shop. well my one year mark hit. i have been celebate for an entire year. (takes a bow) thank you. thank you. i know you're all thinking it was about time she stopped being a slut. well anyway. i'm not a slut and i rewarded myself for changing my ways by purchasing was fine jewelry for myself. they aren't overly decadant. i'll save all that stuff for later. i did however go a little overboard. i was going to get one piece and ended up getting two rings and a pair of diamond earings to match one of those. very pretty and i honestly got a good deal on them. come on, you know me!! i saved $456 since i got them on sale! oh yeah baby.

2005-07-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

PIRATES RULE!!!!

antagonist

2005-07-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

my aunt will be here tonight. lisa, what are you doing tmrw night? you should come over so we can talk. isn't tuesday old girly night anyway. make the boys keep the girls and come see me. please take your ice chest home w/ you too!

2005-07-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

the party was good. we're probably going to grill at my place on wednesday. Friday there will be another party. We have to finish off the whoop juice. It was great to see everyone from forest. Saturday afternoon we had a watergun fight @ smith park. Wetness is good.

Jacob talked to melissa, therefore i spoke to jacob. he showed up friday before everything got kicked off. I won't see him again for a while.

this one is for all 3 of you that read here

2005-07-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

leigh anne dyed part of my hair a dark auburn color last night. i can't wait to see it today in the sun. oh course i had to break down and by the new harry potter book. although i haven't gotten that far into it yet. there's just too much going on. my house is somewhat clean (lisa i told you i would do it) i'm sure melissa is rejoicing over this. spud stopped over in clinton last night, so blake stayed here w/ me. i don't think i blame him for not wanting to be around since they haven't seen each other in over a month.

the party is byob. (although i'm considering a cooler of somthing)
let me know if we need food and i'll try to work something out.
how many people am i to expect?
how many people will need crash space? (bring pillow/blanket)
my house is TINY!
i guess i should go get a huge trashcan to put outside for trash.
NO DRUGS!!! and i mean it.

i think that's it for now. let me know what everyone is bringing. i don't have much, but i'll prob. restock.

great start

2005-07-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

so far this "break" of mine isn't going so well. I ended up going over to joy and leigh anne's yesterday, but it was a good cause. we packed up all of derricks crap into trash bags. now he just needs to come get all of it and give her back the key. it's about time!! i've seen her upset over stuff involving him since i've known her. a sad joy is just not a good thing. i'm gonna stay home from here on out. i may even take the weekend in yazoo. i'll take my curtains and mom and i can sew them :D surely that's something she can do without straining herself. i'm sure the figs and blueberries need to be picked also. i'll just need to get home early sunday afternoon bc melissa said she would prob come home on sunday :D

break

2005-07-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

it is time for me to withdraw once again. i've got too much going on in my life. too many dreams, too many ideals... i need to sort thru things. so that means no one will be seeing much of me, but you'll probably hear a great deal on my blog. i'm preparing for a long journey. the house will be deconstructed and reconstructed. Many things will be thrown away. Many things will be created. I believe there will be much crying. i will learn to live on next to nothing once more. things have gotten too extravagant. my ego has ballooned to epic proportions. it is time for me to take a fall.

toys and NOLA

2005-07-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

i spent some $$$ last night online. This store was having one heck of a sale and i ended up getting a new whip, 3 new toys (yes 3), and some other products. I think i may have gone overboard. I will be one happy girl when they come in tho!!

Voodoo fest tickets go onsale this friday. I will be purchasing mine. Some of the jxn crew are considering camping onsite since this will be the first year to do so. I don't believe shower facilities will be available and that will be a major determining factor. If we can travel between campsite and the music venue during the middle of the day i'd be willing to pay the $35 extra and then pay for a hotel room in addition.

go check out the voodoo site. Pick out your halloween costume and get ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!

done

2005-07-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

i sent the letter to troy on thursday of last week, so i know it's there. chris never responded to my email. i'm making a mega huge candle with all the wax from the other candles that i've burned down. wax everywhere :D
ok. i go sleepy now.

seeking closure

2005-06-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

i think i found troy, chris and ad last night. i emailed chris. i have troy's home # and address and the church number. i hope it's my chris and troy. All i found for ad is a phone # for the church. i should have known. i'm gonna talk to troy before i do anything. he will be able to give me guidance on the subject. he and ad have always been accountabilty partners. If anyone will be able to help me figure out how to do this without cause'n a lot of damage it's troy. i must confess i've proven in the past that damage control is necessary. it feels so dirty, but i feel like i need to finish this. i need answers i need to appologize. i can just imagine myself a dirty whore entering this church and contaminating everything/one i come into contact with. I almost feel like just showing up to applogize will be casting a shadow, that maybe somehow it might tarnish ad. I think i've done that enough. I guess it's not a matter of "what he did to me" even tho i'm still working that out. it's has become what i did to him. i guess i can't forgive myself until i know. i need to see it. i need to see him happily married and unscathed with 2.1 kids and a dog.. you know what i mean. i fear i'm repeating the cycle. i want out.

2005-06-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

hmmm. i'm feeling pretty displaced. i think melissa is home now, but i'm a little unsure. the new job is still good. the merger is prob going to happen. i've possibly found a trailor to buy in a few months. it's going to depend on melissa, when these ppl decide to move out, and figure'n out how i'm going to finance it. the anger at jacob is starting to fade into apathy.

for andrew

2005-06-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

click here and laugh

things and stuff and stuff

2005-06-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

yellow is a color. nizza's favorite color even. i'm gonna stay at leigh anne's house tmrw night if she'll have me. tyler's bed was offered up the other night in passing since he's the momma snuggle bug now. i made salsa. joy will be out tmrw :( my hair is cute and very short. above my shoulders!!! i got it all chopped off. hopefully it will be dyed tmrw night at leigh anne's. i have the cutest lil afro puff pigtails now! ... hmmmmmmmm.... i think that's about it. oh yeah. jacob is still on my shit list.

2005-06-17T19:12:00.000-07:00

work is still good and i am still pissed off at jacob. i think i need this weekend to myself. there are a lot of things i need to work out of my system.

first week

2005-06-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

so i started the new job. i like the new job. melissa's mom passed away on monday so i took off wednesday for the funeral. i got back pretty early last night and crashed. the house is a mess again. it always teeters between ok and disaster. it's in disaster mode right now. my face is all broken out from stress. i look awful. tonight i intend to clean up the house and go to bed early. one more thing it'd like to add to this post. I'M REALLY PISSED OFF AT JACOB.

interesting weekend.

2005-06-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

where do i start? poor lisa and estelle had an adventure in jackson friday before they made it to my house. good news is that they like it here... maybe i can convince them to move :D party was at erin and preston's this weekend. lots of fun. roch kicks ass. he fixed spuds car. melissa, beth, and i shopped most of the day sunday. i spent more than i should have.. but that always happens. i got jeans, a skirt, a new top, 4 bras (yes 4), and some stuff from bath and body. we ate at keifers and saw a cute guy that beth knows. beth and nizza got pedicures and thier nails done. i sat and watched. i'm going to have to go back for the pedicure later. i didn't get to say goodbye to anyone cuz i was out w/ nizza. :( i start the new job this morning. i guess i'm a little excited now that it's the day of... but it took a while. i'm still all hung up on him. imagine that.

cat's out

2005-06-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

ok.. so everyone knows now. lisa and estelle are coming to visit. party is planned at the lewis residence on friday night. ( yes, that's tmrw) um.. that's it.

2005-06-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

there was no party at my place. it was moved to clinton. i did not go to arkansas with leigh anne to get blake and tyler. i didn't even get to see jon and gary. so needless to say things did not go as planned. friday night i put on my corset. mandi, leigh anne and i ate at gravity and i semi-stalked jacob.
saturday the girls went shopping and spent too much money. saturday night since the party was canceled alternate plans went into action. lisa and i ended up going to tony and micheals. tony wasn't there :( we brought stacey. watched napoleon dynamite and shawn of the dead. great stuff. stacey flirted with micheal and sat in the chair with him throughout shawn of the dead. it was really cute. i think lisa and stacey left around 1:30am. i ended up hanging around until 4ish.
sunday i went to yazoo to get my car back and give back the camry :)/:( that goes both ways cuz i want the camry. my sunroof is supposedly fixed. it rained all night long so i hope that it is otherwise today is gonna be a hassle. good news is that now it's ready to be made very happy with a new headliner. oh yeah baby. i've been leaning toward leopard print, but i'm starting to have second thoughts. cuz i'm gonna want to re-do the seats also. so i'm debating on using that plaid i got to wallpaper the dining room with. i'll pin it up there and ride around a few days to decide. anyway... a trip to shirley's is in order so i can get the headliner fabric for cheap! anyone wanna come with me?

positive for party

2005-06-02T23:36:00.000-07:00

ok there will be a party at my house this saturday. all are invited. bring the usual. we'll do what we're best at. much fun will be had.

2005-06-02T01:45:00.000-07:00

ok.. i know i shouldn't, but i'm gonna to do it anyway. the new girl at work is your standard sterotypical stuck up spoiled rotten rude cheerleader type that thinks her shit doesn't stink. ok, i feel better now. i'm just really glad i'm only going to be in that office for another week. i would kill her. as soon as pat's out of the office she's on the phone talking to all her little friends. i don't think she's going to last very long.

lisa is supposed to come over after her new job orientation tonight. my mom is supposed to get my car this afternoon and leave me hers so i can get it fixed. i'm not exactly sure how that's going to work, but we shall see. the brothers are coming to stay w/ me this saturday night, so i guess there will be another party here. saturday morning i'm riding w/ leigh anne to arkansas to pick up blake and tyler.

i'm becoming less depressed, but i keep doing things to hold on to the ickiness like listening to certain music and general day dreaming. and i continue to torment myself w/ the fact that diana exists. oh well. this weekend i will be surrounded by happy fun ppl and a good time will be had. i won't call him and invite him to the party. i'm sure he won't just show up. so i'm in the clear for my retarded cycle to continue.

theories and narcissism

2005-05-31T22:29:00.000-07:00

i accepted the new job. i start the 13th. i believe that starting a job on a day that is a prime number is directly connected to the satisfaction of that job. if i'm not mistaken i started the hampton on such a day. i started tower on the 17th. i enjoyed both of those jobs and each job has been a stepping stone for a better one. now, knowing that 13 is my lucky number and a prime number to boot. this job should be exponentionaly satisfactory in theory. what do you think?

yeah yeah.. my crazy theories... much like my theory that there is more between me and jacob than we let on...hey one can dream can't they. much like my theory that i will go down in history for some reason or another... maybe that's just my narcissism. who knows?

2005-05-30T22:13:00.000-07:00

i came home from my parents tonight. i'm obsessing again. i found a camera for the next shoot. i feel so out of it. i feel like i'm living in some sort of dream. when i got home i sat down in front of the piano and just started playing. it was the song of my heart. it's been a long time since i've been able to just sit down and play. i just closed my eyes and i heard this melody and my fingers moved across the keyboard and this beautiful sound came out. i cried and i kept playing. i'll probably never be able to play it again. in my heart it is jacob's theme. it felt good to let it out.

leigh anne's party

2005-05-29T17:16:00.000-07:00

the party was great fun. hair was dyed. some henna was done. much drinking and lots of healthy foods. jacob showed up and we made him stay and be a girl for the night. the boys crashed our party for about 10 minutes and then went home. it was pretty funny. it rained. mandi and i played in the rain :D i farted on melissa. we finally called it a night when the sun started coming up. lots of good fun was had. there are pictures... somewhere. thanks to everyone for coming!!

he came over

2005-05-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

he opened the locked door to my heart and i can't understand how he does it, but he does. he just does.

new job?

2005-05-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

being faced with many choices as of late. there has basicly been a job offered to me somewhere else. there are no benefits, but let's face it.. i don't have the ones at tower anyway. i was told they will pay at least 8 and 9 was also mentioned. this is a substantial raise. i will be pd proper overtime. from what i've been told the overtime hrs are there for the taking. it's a monday-friday 8-5. i can come in on saturdays and work if i choose to do so. very small company with big aspirations. other than the woman that refered me i will be the only female. ok... so here's the downside. it's way over on northside dr (think close to clinton) taking the interstate it will take me about 20 minutes to get there. i'm really pretty undecided about the whole thing. i've been thinking about seeing if jtran has a stop near there.
i honestly think melissa is going to leave me any day now... which sucks hardcore, but i understand why. i would have left already if i was her. i've finally come to deal with the fact that i'm going to have to leave this house. I really really really really don't want to. i love this freak'n house. the only thing that would make things ok would be finding a house this cool with rent in the same range nearer to new job.. oh yeah.. and a roomie as awesome as melissa.. but yeah. those things just aren't going to happen. so i guess i can quit dreaming about now.

2005-05-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

this weekend and sickness

ok.. so it's been said. we are attempting a girls night. i don't know how successful it will be, but we are trying. i am doing better/was doing better from my ickiness last weekend. yesterday i over did it and ate a gyro. i'm sick again. so this morning i'm making a run to the pharmacy b4 i go to work. hopefully pat can just prop me up and let me take payments. i'm scared i'll be running to the restroom all day. but anyway. ickiness abounds. i really want to find a new job.. ok let me be honest. i really want to act like an irresponsible teenager and not have a job. obviously that's not going to happen. *sigh*

a long deserved day with lisa

2005-05-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

gary : speeding again
me: no shit. i've had a bizarre day. no.
gary : what happened
me: ok so i called in
gary : y
me: to work cuz i ws sick
me: i'm really just going nuts and needed a break
me: so i finally get my arse out of the house around 9:30
gary : everyone needs a break
me: i run to the parts store and get a lightbulb for my headlight
me: i decide that i should drive to brandon and see tim and lisa
gary : dont know them but anyway
me: i knock on the door and no one answers but i hear the kids yelling so i try the knob
gary : tv?
me: nope but the door was unlocked so i went in
gary : tsk tsk
me: tim and lisa were asleep so i went into the girls room and played with them
me: finally a groggy lisa showed up a little surprised for me to be in her house
gary : uh huh, understandable
me: so i hung out and talked to them and we replaced my bulb
me: they i went to the bank and did a little shopping and came back to get lisa
gary : not hearing any bizarre
me: ok well lisa and i drove from her house to her moms house which is in the middle of nowhere right before you get to somewhere again
me: we were supposed to get some movies, but they weren't there
me: so i decide that since we're almost to somewhere again.. that we should just go to somewhere
me: once we enter somewhere i realize that we are near a friends house so we stopped ,but they weren't home so we left a note
me: and said friends house is near the resivour
me: so we went to the resivour
me: or however the crap you spell it
me: which meant that we are now on the north east side of metro jackson
me: so cool. thinking we can stop by the mall and visit emily, so we pop into northpark
me: and end up running into another old friend i haven't seen in ages.. very cool
me: so now.. i still haven't pd my ticket and it's starting to get late.
me: it's like 3:30ish so we need to head back to richland
me: so we get to the police dept
me: but the police dept has moved next door but it didn't specify what next door.
me: so find the correct building and we try the wrong door. we finally get inside
gary : the case of the vanished friends
me: and the cop that is taking my money has no clue what he's doing
me: it takes him like 20 minutes to figure it out
gary : rookie
me: so now i'm 317.50 poorer
gary : that really sux
gary : no party for you this weekend
me: and we come home to find out the whole moving mason's stuff out thing is going about as smooth as a ricer over gravel at 80 miles a hr
gary : at least one you have to pay for anyway
me: no one knows what's going on and my tank is on E
gary : so you have managed to slide all the way down to the bottom heap of a steaming pile o crap
me: so we're hungry and frustrated and we decided that the best course of action was to lie on my bed and toss fake lucky charms cereal at the pull string to my light
gary : lol
me: now realizing that we have tater tots
me: all is well
gary : the secret cure of the orient
me: and we are going to eat said tots and go recuse the mission for mason
gary : sounds like you will be ok then

for all of you nd freaks

2005-05-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=10372

compliments of gary and i-am-bored dot com

and for less fun news: i got food poisioning this weeknd an still haven't recoverd. god i hope i can keep down these crackers and this water.

2005-05-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

if you've got something to say to me, quit wallowing in it, and just say it!!!

napoleon dynamite party

2005-05-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

ok.. everything is kicking off around 6:30 or 7ish. bring drinks. i'm making spaghetti. i'm not sure exactly who all is coming, but as usual all are welcome. i think i'm going to make some tea. i gotta run to the store and pick up some last minute stuff. i'll brb. the brothers are here. one is in the bath, the other is currently passed out on the couch. knock loud and hurry up and get here!!!!!!!!!!!!

lemony snickets.. or however you spell it.

2005-05-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

ok so for girly group last night lisa, catlin, and stacy came over. we ate pizza bite things and watched that ls movie. the costumes were great. loved the artsy stuff. all in all a very cute film. i did manage to get one load of clothing washed and right now i'm running another.

girls tonight?

2005-05-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

ok.. so i'm still recovering from this past weekend... and so is my house, but then again my house always suffers from my madness. melissa left this morning for mccomb, but she left me movies this time! i have napoleon dynamite,walking tall, and rundown.... i think someone might have a thing for the rock. lol. hey to each his own and i'd be lying if i said i don't think he's hot.

so thanks to this weekend i had a wierd dream that consisted of co-ed cabins with bunkbeds, dirty open showers, truck stops, taking a slam in mixed company with the door open, and for some reason unknown to me, throwning paris hilton into a large metal sink of running water. i swear to god! all of these things in one dream. none of it made a bit of sense. but it was all there. i'm still puzzled by the whole paris hilton thing. i'm waiting on that light bulb to turn on. bizzare!

i have to wash clothes tonight and pick up a little bit cuz my room has reached the point of unacceptable messiness. you know it's BAD! i would like to have a girly meeting, but i request that it is held at my house due to the amount of attention my room needs. the living room is relatively tidy as is the rest of the house, so it will work. i just need to give my room a little tlc.
oh yeah, and all of that stuff i was giving away needs to be gone thru. if you want it, you must come get it before thursday. i'm taking it to the thrift store after that.

i have intentions of starting the hemp cord boning project this month. any intrested partys check the sable hand stitch bitch blog.

on another note... i want to hire out leigh anne's son, blake. leigh anne name your price :P

ok this weekend is needed

2005-04-28T20:08:00.000-07:00

i am ragged and lonely. i just though it was time for everyone to hear it. i'm uber tired and stressed out. i'm not done with my sewing (as usual) and i'm lonely right now for some reason. i just really need a friend that's more sane than i am right now. someone what's got thier stuff together. everywhere i look things are in turmoil and i want to be able to be there and help, but i feel pretty helpless.

vacation

2005-04-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

pat is on vacation this week. so they sent robert, trainee from pearl over to play manager for a week. everyone i've seen put into a temp situation takes the inititive to try and show thier stuff... which i think is good. i think this is what's expected of them in these situations. so far so good with robert in the office tho. i think we approved a sale yesterday that we shouldn't have, but oh well. he's had it pretty cushy at pearl. he claims it's boring and slow in richland (and it surely is at times) but he doesn't know how to hand the stress yet. when things are going on he's a little too scattered to multi-task. he was having a hard time making decisions on sales yesterday. i had to take care of a few situations on the phone when he wasn't sure what to say. i guess i have learned how to handle certain situations pretty well. pat's taught me a lot more than i realize.
my lovely nizza stopped by the office yesterday and brought me a mt dew and checked out the new senery.. thank you melissa!!!
this weekend in beltane. melissa w and i are gonna ride up there together. she's supposed to be at my house around 5:40ish so we can get on the road as soon as i get home and change clothes.

im listening to tori amos... some of you know what that means.

so.. i decided about a month ago that i was prob ready to date again since it's been over a year. well so the first couple of weeks it was all eyecandy and i considered many options. i was like a kid in a candy store of sorts, but now... yeah. i can't really think of anyone i've met that i'm interested in. ok... so there's 2 that i've thought about twice, but both are those... not right now type of situations. honestly one is prob out of my league and the other i just think not in a situation for a relationship not even casual. took much going on in his life. so i'm back to zero.. which i really don't have a problem with. i've been at zero for a long time now. it's just madness i tell you. this is the longest i've been single since i started dating, but somehow it's just not as big of a deal as i thought it would be. reality. the fact that i'm happy and whole alone. that's a very good feeling.

gone to pirate ban

2005-04-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

i will prob stay the night. i will be at fighter practice in pearl tmrw. have a good night all and please be careful!!!
arrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!
*grabs eyepatch and bottle of rum*

2005-04-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

clowns

pirate ban

2005-04-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

ok everyone. i actually did sew some last night :D and i'm gonna finish the sable hand dress and hopefully most of my black cote today before i head out for pirate ban. i can't wait to see justin. it's been a really long time since i've seen him. i'm gonna find an eyepatch today.
aarrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

lisa is home safe

2005-04-22T09:05:00.000-07:00

yipeee. i went and met her at the airport yesterday. she was all in one piece, but she had a TON of luggage!!!!! i didn't get any sewing done. i will have to do that tonight. i finally talked to my mom yesterday. everything seems to be going well. i need to go see them.... and speaking of seeing people i was supposed to have gone to the coast to see james and thier new baby, but i haven't doen it yet.

more exciting news....for those of you that don't read tiff's blog, tiff found a job :D. good things. very good things.

well i think that's about it for this morning.

lisa is coming home today!!!

2005-04-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

my lisa is coming home from her vacation with the inlaws over in cali. i will be very happy to see her and my two cutie pies!! i want to hear every detail of the trip you can stand to spare lisa!!

oh yeah.. i finally got insurance on my car... since i got a ticket for no insurance last friday night!!

i had a really disturbing dream last night. i woke up at 5:30am and couldn't go back to sleep, so hopefully i'll be able to function today. i won't give all the gory details right now, but i killed someone. it was very disturbing. VERY DISTURBING.

ok one more today

2005-04-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

attention!

i am having a bit of a spring fever cleaning session right now. this means that i am giving away my things. if you are interested in owning some of my stuff please come by. i might even sign it if you ask in a flattering way. what you guys don't take will go to charity. this will include everything i just feel like getting rid of:

clothing (some of this clothing is designer ie $300 shirts)
shoes
bath products
makeup
perfume
kitchen stuff
art work/frames
linens
books
cds
and whatever else i find
there is also an orange and black plastic pallet if anyone is interested

please come take this stuff b4 i have time to change my mind.

tater tots is good.

2005-04-19T18:50:00.000-07:00

i was having tater tot withdrawls. everytime i drive by a sonic all i can think about it tots.. must have yummy tots!!!!!!! so for lunch today i baked some in the oven. not quite satisfy'n my need for sonic tots, but enough for me to stop having twitches.

and now for something completely different.

hillsong is going to be at first baptist richland april 23 & 24th at 6pm. i'm going. is anyone else interested?

OOH.. i got my state income tax refund in the mail today. this means i can buy more tots!!!!!! woot! (that should let you know how small the check was) but, it did get here in a timely manner.

lets see... what else can i put up here......

i should be sewing seeing how this week and next week is it and i have to have stuff ready for beltaine. does anyone else want to come? it's possible that melissa williams is riding with me, but i would LOVE for someone to help with the cost of gas.. so the more the merrier.

um..i think that's it. i'm going to go be good and sew and clean tonight.

party update.

2005-04-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

ok. i believe it has been decided that this party shall start early and run late :D the grilling will start around 6ish. i have french fries and i'm trying to decide what else i should snap up. anyone that want to bring a side dish or dessert.. please do so!!! lawn chairs are not a bad idea either. i do have hummus if someone would care to pick up pita bread or some type of crackers to go with it. if you need directions IM me or leave a comment and i'll let you know how to get here. i'm pretty sure most of you know how to get here. i will pick up cokes because well we always run out. anyone that sees/talks to rajiv or jacob please let them know about the party and that they can bring whomever they wish. welll.. yeah.. that's all for now. i'll update later if needed.

party party party.. but no theme... this time

2005-04-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

ok.. back to the most important thing at hand.

PARTY!
woo hoo!!

It has been mentioned that mistress erin will be coming and possibly bringing some of her infamous jello shots. be ye warned if you haven't had them yet.

i'm gonna go buy a mega thingy of frenchfries.

everyone bring steaks, chicken, ect... i will fire up the grill once again.

HEY! does anyone have a grill they won't mind bringing that's larger than mine? it's tiny.

*runs off to eat lunch and dream up what kind of jello shots to make!*

thinking of friends not here. i can't break this.

2005-04-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

I can't break this one! Can you? He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm howizzitor. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must. He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle.
He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job. He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime. He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed. He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.
Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years. He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding. Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have woman over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so. As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot.. A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets.......Prayer wheel for our military... please don't break it. Please send this on after a short prayer. Prayer Wheel "Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen." Prayer : When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops in Afghanistan, sailors on ships, and airmen in the air, and for those in Iraq.
There is nothing attached.... This can be very powerful....... Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Coastguardsman, Marine or Airman, prayer is the very best one. I can't break this one guys..sorry This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray.

party time again

2005-04-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

there will be a party at my house this saturday. anyone is invited. i will update with more details later. all suggestions are welcome. the grill will be brought out. if you need crash space please let me know before hand so me can work something out.

sigh

2005-04-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

what's a girl to do?
i know i'm generally clueless.
i need a new obsession.
yes
that might do the trick.

insert title here

2005-04-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

this weekend was good. i did a little work on the house. not much so melissa don't get excited. our sewing project went well and now i have a pattern so i won't have to go thru the hrs long process again for a while!! i've still got to put sleeves on it and hand sew the lacing holes. no grommets :D i guess the next project is either going to be the sable hand sidless or trying the hemp cord boning in that peachy italian dress i slapped together for gulf wars. everyone is still welcome to join me at any time for sewing. not to be all to rude, but i WILL not be sewing anyone elses clothes this year without payment. so all of you.. and you know who you are, learn now. sew now. because this time around i will work on nothing but my stuff after the 1st of feb. so learn now. sew now. do not wait. i will not help you.. at all. you will go naked if you wait. you have been warned. same applies to diamonds. if you even think you might be going get your outfits together now

ok. i'm just being crabby today so please disregaurd all soapbox moments that you may read. but i do ask that you disreguard the attitude and not the messege.. ie what i say stands although the rudness may not.
*hugs* to my far away girls. cuz you deserve them and i miss you!